Sunday, May 15, 2011

Crazy lady

I stopped publishing to the blog months ago in part because I felt I was getting redundant. How many times and how many ways can I say I miss Ron? I was boring even to myself, with nothing quite salacious to report. I'm going to skip over a bunch of milestones (holidays, birthdays, one-year anniversary, Neiman's last call sale) because you could probably write your own scripts and they would be--more or less--accurate. We have been happy, devastated, grateful, frustrated, hopeful, exhausted, defeated, and invincible--often, inexplicably, at the same time.

As we continue our best to show up for life, things I didn't anticipate still catch me off guard.

Example. This morning, our town held a road race for families. It would be Mai and Tal's first run. Because of their ages, they were in different races and I couldn't run with them. I asked a friend who was running with his own son to run with Tal, and Mai would be running with a small pack of classmates from school.

Tal happily took off with the Dad and friend, and then was out of sight until he emerged again near the finish line. He was all smiles and quite triumphant, but I learned that he got an aerial assist mid-course. Tired and not wanting to run farther, Tal was carried part of the way by the Dad, who was still running with his own son.

Mai was eager to run with her friends and started strong, but found herself alone when the pack pulled apart. Mid-course was invisible to me once again, but by the time Mai emerged, she was holding hands with another Dad, a friend, who had adopted her along the way. He ran with his own daughter in one hand and Mai in the other, periodically squeezing her hand to encourage her onward. It was so unexpected and sweet that I disintegrated when I saw them (but not before I snapped a photo). That crazy lady crying on the course? That was me.

Ron, I hope you can see what good care the world is taking of your kids. They will grow up feeling that people are lovely and generous and kind. They will know grace, and have faith that the world will not let them fall.

To those Dads today, thank you for taking care of our kids and helping them feel proud of themselves. Your kindness liquefied me, but I'm so grateful for it.


  1. Julia PettengillMay 15, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    Okay...I am weeping as I read this...Yes, there will be friends and strangers all along that will guide, love, hold, encourage and pick Mai and Tal up when they need it. How fortunate these friends are to have the opportunity to love your children and how generous you are to share them with the community and world at large. Ha, how brave you could have found every excuse to stay home today...who wants to watch all the dads running with their kids when you are deeply mourning the loss of yours? And yet you went...and you allowed God and the world to show you that there are miracles every day, that love always triumphs and through your tears and pain Life is still Beautiful.

    Always, julia

    Confession: when Sophie was diagnosed I got the most outrageously expensive, sexy, over the knee boots...Never underestimate the healing power of a great pair of shoes.

  2. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Cancer Treatment Guide

  3. Hi, Maybe people like you Milton will encourage Ha to post on this blog. It is now the eve of the 2 year anniversary of the passing of my brother and i am still asking myself how this could have happend to such a warm,vibrant,smart,dedicated,passionate,humorous,kool special person.
    I search the web often to see if there are any heroic survivors of this type of cancer.
    Since Ron's passing Ha has raised 2 smart beautiful well manered children. Still young They are thriving in such a nurtured,bright positivge and loving niche. Though I yearn to get Ha to post more to this sight i know that it takes everything out of her to do so.
    My hat goes off to her for how strong she has been and how beautiful Mai and Tal are.